Updated: Dec 4, 2020
My father has always been an unhappy person. He tends to bring others down for any reason when he isn’t having a good day. I’m used to it. Ever since I was 10, I tried to commit suicide due to the fact when I got in trouble, he was explosive. Nothing you do or say can calm him down, so he resorts to getting violent with objects or me.
In the past year specifically, I’ve gone through a lot with my family. I kept getting caught with things like sneaking out, smoking with people when I was supposed to be home alone, totaling my car, along with many other little things. This not only lost their trust but made my dad angry beyond words.
I decided it was time for a change and submitted myself to the closest psych ward that helped drug addictions. I came out and still smoked everyday but this time without any other substances. All my life I’ve been loner not gonna lie, I have like 5 close friends I only hang with, which I’m okay with since this town is super shitty (racist, mostly white, white washed basic teens, etc. ) I think it wasn’t until this quarantine that I found peace within myself. I think it was from psychedelics, since one trip I decided to cut everyone negative out of my life.
I cut off my hookup trend, since I would just use it for validation. I was even debating moving out at one point but decided not to since my financial status wasn’t stable. Anyways, I have been diagnosed with chemical dependency, PTSD, MDD, and generalized anxiety. It’s kinda tough living in your own mind.
But I try my best to take life day by day.