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Sincerely, Janelle

My whole life I’ve dealt with every type of abuse you could imagine but I thought I’d share one exact traumatic experience I’ve gone through that has changed my life completely.

From the age of 19 to almost 21, I started dating one of my brothers best friends. I grew up with him in high school and he was at my house every day. I trusted him just like I trust all my brother's friends because they have protected me. We started dating and everything was great until the alcoholism and abuse started. At first it was little things. Mostly emotional and verbal but nothing so intense that I noticed it was wrong. It started getting worse and worse then he finally put his hands on me. I was walking towards the front door to get some air because of a fight we had just had and he grabbed me from behind and threw me to the floor. When I came to I was so confused on what had happened. Another time he was going through my phone (which was all the time) and got mad because I told him I had FaceTimed one of my best friends. He couldn’t find the FaceTime call on my log so I reached for my phone to show him. Next thing I know I’m on my back on the floor and he’s in my face screaming at me “you want to f****ing hit me. I’m going to call the cops."


I was so confused. I thought I actually hit him but now I know that that’s not what happened. He had pulled out a gun on me in front of one of my best friends. And so on so fourth.


The last incident that I will bring up which there are many, has completely changed me. On New Year’s Eve, we went to a party at one of my friends house's. Everyone was drinking of course and doing drugs(I only drank). I kind of dozed off on my friend's couch. Another friend who had taken a drug, came over to me. This type of drug makes you lovey and snuggly. She woke me up by giving a little peck on the cheek and then lips. I didn’t really care since I’ve known her for so long and it didn’t bother me, but I knew it’d bother my boyfriend so I was going to tell him to be honest. Before I could stand up I noticed him looking at me and then walk out of the party. I got up and when we got home, he started screaming at me, calling me a whore and a slut. I told him what had happened and that I hadn’t even kissed her back. I called my friend and she told him exactly what happened and he still didn’t believe me.


This night was the worst abuse I’ve ever gone through. I was sitting on a chair in front of my bed and behind me was the closet. I was just trying to talk to him and immediately he pushed the chair and I fell back, smashing my head into the closet. After that he got on top of me and we started wrestling around and he was punching me. We some how ended up with him sitting behind me on the floor and me in front. He was holding my wrists trying to make me punch him in the head so he could call the cops on me for domestic violence. I told him to stop and I was not going to do that. It took every strength in my little body for me to get out of his grip. He then grabbed my head, with both of his hands and head butted me in the back of my head as hard as he could. The pain that I felt from that is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I started to crawl away from him and I just so happened to look at myself in my mirror as I was crawling away and screaming. I didn’t recognize who I was and I looked like something out of a horror movie. He grabbed me again, flipped me over and choked me until I lost consciousness.


Because of that abuse I suffered severe brain damage and now live with epilepsy for the rest of my life. My life completely changed but I got the courage to finally leave him 2-3 months after that. My friend and her boyfriend came over and protected me while my abuser got his things out of my place. I am now in an amazing relationship with a man who loves, respects me and keeps me safe. I’m going through therapy and EMDR.


What I went through was horrific but I know I’m so strong and I’m going to be okay because I’m a warrior. If you’re suffering, you’re not alone. Leave before it’s too late. You’re strong and you’re loved.

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